My 2016 was a mess, to say the least. Every January 1st I promise myself that this year, it’ll be my year. It’ll be the year I get my life together and become the person I want to be. And yet, every December 31st I find myself disappointed in my own inadequacy and the choices I made during that year. I’m disappointed that I can’t see the growth I thought God would give me that year, and confused as to why my static faith continued while I watched tragedy after tragedy strike.
Last December 31st, I made a list of 16 New Year’s resolutions, and a 2015 “motto” as well. I was super into the idea that a new year is a totally fresh start and that January 1st was an ideal time to start living my life differently. I even wrote them on a giant sheet of neon paper and hung them on my wall. Today I found these 16 resolutions as I was thinking about the beginning of next year, and decided to review each of them and see how I did. Commence the recap of my 2015 (mostly highs, who wants to dwell on lows?).
So I’m going back to school tomorrow (shhhh I know most of you are already back and I’m a little late to the ballgame, but Christian liberal arts colleges and their lateness, man). Crazy, right? I swear yesterday was June 7th and I’d just gotten back from Ireland and was dreading the ridiculously long summer looming over me. And now it’s gone, just like that.
I feel like I didn’t really do much this summer since I was at both jobs pretty much every day, but somehow I also feel like I did a ton. A lot was accomplished...
What wonderful, amazing people God has placed in my life.
Sometimes I don’t even understand the depth of human love. I guess that’s because it’s something God created, something modeled after God’s own love for us, and it’s so so beautiful. I’ve been overwhelmed lately by the amount of wonderful people God has given me the opportunity to know.
I promise you this is not another blog post about why gay marriage is biblically sinful or why it's not, whether or not the Confederate flag should be allowed to fly, or a rant about how horrible it is that no one cares that planned parenthood is (supposedly) selling dead baby parts for profit. I don’t read the news much. Or at least I didn’t. I never knew what was going on whatsoever, to the point that the other day when twitter notified me of the trending hashtag “#PrayForLouisville” I flipped out and was like oh no what did I miss? (it turned out just being a bunch of losers complaining about the weather.
Well, it has been extremely hard to get back to blogging. For so long I’ve been struggling with what to write about...somehow simultaneously there are way too many topics swarming around in my head and none at all. I guess I’ll talk about this in between stage I’m at in my life right now. And by right now, I mean literally right now...the summer after freshman year of college.
Christmas is commercialized. We've all heard it before, the Christian ramblings of how Jesus is getting taken out of the equation and that Christmas is a pagan holiday and that we are feeding this culture's materialistic obsession. I would say most blog posts written by Christians are about how Christmas has deteriorated into a cultural phenomena instead of a day and a season to celebrate Christ's birth. But let's take all of that out of the equation and think: as Christians, are we really celebrating what Christmas is about? Are we fully taking in the depth of the meaning of Christ's birth?
The lights shine so brightly they almost blur your vision, but your eyes glisten under them. You can't see the audience over the lights, but you can hear them screaming. You smile at the attention, entranced by the beauty of the lights and the set and the people all staring at you in adoration. You could never feel the same sort of rush even if you suddenly sprouted wings and flew. You could never feel more at home, or more whole in that moment. Lord, let this be about you and not about me.
I've been reading this book called Unchristian by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons for a class I'm in here at school. The title might be deceiving; it's a book about how the rest of the world views Christianity and how Christians turn unbelievers away from Christ. It focuses on the cultural divide and how this generation is pushing Christianity away more rapidly than any other generation. In Chapter 6 of Unchristian, Kinnaman describes how Christians are perceived as living in their own bubble, aloof and unconnected to the world.
As I sit here in my college dorm room, I look at my piles of unfinished homework and wonder how I'm ever going to get it all done. I worry about what tomorrow will look like and despair at the fact that I can never know enough to get me through these classes and into certain social groups and out of unpleasant situations. Then I'm reminded of the amazing truth that God knows everything. He not only knows everything, but He has planned everything out from the very beginning. He knows what I'm going to eat tomorrow morning for breakfast(if anything at all), He knows how I'm going to do on Friday's theory quiz, He knows if my college debt will ever go away, He knows who I'm going to marry...