Blog: Beautiful and Broken
Last December 31st, I made a list of 16 New Year’s resolutions, and a 2015 “motto” as well. I was super into the idea that a new year is a totally fresh start and that January 1st was an ideal time to start living my life differently. I even wrote them on a giant sheet of neon paper and hung them on my wall. Today I found these 16 resolutions as I was thinking about the beginning of next year, and decided to review each of them and see how I did. Commence the recap of my 2015 (mostly highs, who wants to dwell on lows?).
So I’m going back to school tomorrow (shhhh I know most of you are already back and I’m a little late to the ballgame, but Christian liberal arts colleges and their lateness, man). Crazy, right? I swear yesterday was June 7th and I’d just gotten back from Ireland and was dreading the ridiculously long summer looming over me. And now it’s gone, just like that.
I feel like I didn’t really do much this summer since I was at both jobs pretty much every day, but somehow I also feel like I did a ton. A lot was accomplished...
I promise you this is not another blog post about why gay marriage is biblically sinful or why it's not, whether or not the Confederate flag should be allowed to fly, or a rant about how horrible it is that no one cares that planned parenthood is (supposedly) selling dead baby parts for profit. I don’t read the news much. Or at least I didn’t. I never knew what was going on whatsoever, to the point that the other day when twitter notified me of the trending hashtag “#PrayForLouisville” I flipped out and was like oh no what did I miss? (it turned out just being a bunch of losers complaining about the weather.
It's been raining here non-stop for about a week. Rain is miserable. Rain depresses me. It makes me want to stay in bed for the entirety of my life and sleep and watch sad movies like the Notebook and eat chocolate and listen to Taylor Swift. I find it extremely hard to function and have a normal day. When the sky is crying, so should I, right? Right? So it really sucks when I have to get up for an 8:30 class, walk through the rain, get soaked despite my cute little red umbrella ...
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the serving of others.” - Gandhi Monday, August 24, had a miserable beginning. I had stayed out with friends until 4 in the morning, and had gotten a grand total of 2 ½ hours of sleep. The heat was already being foreshadowed by the golden sun, even at 8am. Everyone gathered in the DC rather quietly.
This was the day of the New Student Orientation service project trip to East St. Louis. Service is always a great idea and something we all preach about, but how many of us actually want to do the hard work that it requires? I can't speak for others, but I was grumpy and reluctant to do anything but sleep.
My 2016 was a mess, to say the least. Every January 1st I promise myself that this year, it’ll be my year. It’ll be the year I get my life together and become the person I want to be. And yet, every December 31st I find myself disappointed in my own inadequacy and the choices I made during that year. I’m disappointed that I can’t see the growth I thought God would give me that year, and confused as to why my static faith continued while I watched tragedy after tragedy strike.