25. Apathy

25. Apathy

you can look up at the sky

you can soak in the beauty

you can imagine what it would be like

to float up there, just you and I

soft kisses and gentle despair

but you won’t, you can’t

find it in yourself to even think

of me

and even

if you did come back

to me

you’d find a useless

human being.

working hands and feet,

can walk and play the guitar

can’t feel the love you used

to declare for me

can’t feel the love that used to

encompass every facet of my body.

I used to be discontent and endlessly

searching for affirmation that was just disguised

as redemption.

now fate has snatched away

even discontentment from me

not allowed to feel

not allowed to be the one thing

I am

which is a breathing


I’m transparent,




no one sees because

there’s nothing to see.

pain is like a dull knife

that tries to jab

I’m numbed by needles and

I see the blood seeping through my

white dress

dripping to the wood floors

don’t feel a thing

some might say that’s a gift

a superhero power, even

I see it as a curse.

to feel is only what

makes humans humans

and yet, I am such a void

I find it hard to care even

about my lack of feeling

like life is just a period at the end of the prose

nothing left to wonder,

nothing left to know.

why did I let anybody get in the way

of who I said I was?

the demise of me was

only because of you

but I let it happen, so

that makes me no better.

I sometimes catch an inkling

of a feeling trying so hard

to burst through the glass that

encases my heart

like the feelings can see it, but

just can’t reach it.

oh, what frustration they must feel.

I think that clouds are pretty, still

when they’re grey

I am a soul that will never understand

what it means to be alive


if passion makes a soul

if pain makes a soul

if love makes a soul,

I am no soul.

I am only what you have made me to be

a dying rose in an empty vase

an empty ship in a cruel sea

sleek white paint on a sheet of paper

a hollow knock on a hollow door.