to say no to the little thoughts and voices and
the notes you write to yourself
the lists of wrongs and never rights
that keep you up at night, I’m telling you
are unproductive as it gets
you’re a little bit scarred
a little bit scared
to ride for a while
and when you do you
fasten your training wheels back on
with a little shame
but eventually, you can
take them off again
I can’t survive this mountain climb
and stormy nights where I lose my footing in
the torrent of your apathy
and then I see a misty light and live for that
make your engine strong and
pour in
gallons of your bitterness
to fuel the fire to make it fly
and distant stars will light your way
far far away from even the sunrise
Memorize a simple phrase or two
just do it.
But is it really that simple?
they can’t see the invisible
like the goodness of your heart
or how you cry yourself to sleep
because words sting a little
okay, a lot
we were built on the idea
(at least in my mind)
that you knew my past and wouldn’t repeat it
that you knew my fears of abandonment
and you wouldn’t embody them
I see the danger
run too fast
trip too much
my shoelaces start
to smolder
I climb a lonely tree
and wonder if
it'll be enough
inevitably I will see again
but failure will settle down
in the void, making its room
in my soul
comfortable
fitting sheets to the bed
hanging pictures on the walls
turning over a new leaf
is hard in the dead of winter
trees are bare and I can’t
bear the unforgiving nature
of the snow, the branches, and
of her.
I will step back into the darkness
‘cause hearts hide best there
while it burns I will drink ice water
and watch you from afar
some days it’s unfair
that the rain clouds my mind
and the pillows and blankets can’t make up for
the words people say
to say no to the little thoughts and voices and
the notes you write to yourself
the lists of wrongs and never rights
that keep you up at night, I’m telling you
are unproductive as it gets
a string of lights that only half-work
some mascara stains on a white dress, hanging
waiting to be saved
a borrowed book mixed in with all the rest
too many blankets and pillows
for just one bed
